Written: 2024-07-22

To Peace

Dear Peace,

Today is one of those hopeful nights. As I lay in my bed in a foreign country and reminisce on my life up until now, it brings me joy and a little bit of sadness, because I wish I could go back to those times when I was younger. But I digress.

You have to know, one of my biggest fears—and probably the only fear I have—is that I will not find someone whom I will truly love. More often than not these thoughts come up. I've written about these to you previously; I'm afraid I'll never love, that I'm too mechanical to love.

But on nights like this, I do remember what I felt for you and how I felt for you (before it turned sour). And although I might not have experienced love many times in my life—maybe two times, I dare say—I know for sure that I loved you. I truly loved you. It was the purest kind of love. I loved you for you, so even when you told me about your health issues, I still loved you. Truly, it was the purest kind of love.

The first time I got my heart broken was because of you, and maybe I didn't tell you—I was on the verge of tears and on my bed for days, because my body was truly broken and I fell ill.

Recently, I was cleaning up and saw the little letters you gave me one year ago. I am also reminded of how much you loved me. I also count your love for me as one of the purest kinds, as I didn't have so much to give in terms of status. But you still loved me, and for that, I will ever be grateful.

As you know, I'm not the best at expressing how I feel. It's sad how it ended, but I still loved you.

Regards,
Israel